I once read a very interesting finding about men and women and choosing mates. The writer said that men mostly ended up with their top three women while women almost always got whoever was brave enough or persistent enough. In short, women settled. He gave an example of people at a party. A man will walk into the room. He will look around and make mental notes of the women he likes. Then he will start his pursuit. Number one may turn him down so he will try number two. Number two may agree so he will have got one of his top three choices.  

The woman will walk in and she too will pick her top three choices. She will then sit pretty and hope that one of them comes to her. Usually none of her top three will come her way. So she will settle for whoever walks over to her. 

I put this theory into practice. I went to a conference. Spotted my best pick (just one, at my age there aren't many single men!) I then looked for occasions to accidentally bump into him. (I have not mastered the courage to go up to a man and state my intentions. I instead offer him 'opportunities' where he can state his intentions that were mine to begin with)  Meanwhile I was on someone else's radar as well, but, I remembered the article and I was not going to 'settle' so I actively ignored his advances. I was focused on my 'pick'. 

My 'best choice' got the hint and he asked me out to a drink after. Well the story has no happy ending, he was a disaster. In hindsight, I should have 'settled'.

My mother also had a theory. She always said, never go after a man you think you love. Go after a man who loves you. For a woman in love has no good sense. A woman will learn to love a man who loves her. Of course at that time I thought her theory was backward, we were the new generation and we were falling in love with good men. Besides, we knew how to 'choose' men. The men of nowadays were not like the men in her time. Ha!  

You know when I think about it, my mother was right, a smitten woman has no sense. A woman in love sees or hears no evil from her man. He is perfect. Only those on the outside can see the man for who he really is. I am convinced a woman's love is a drug, a curse even when not 'used' correctly. 

Mother was right. One marriage and a few useless relationships later and I am ready to try my mother's theory. If I like you, I am staying away from you, I am waiting for the one who likes me more.

News Reporter

3 thoughts on “What Did Mama Know About Love?

  1. Your Mother’s wisdom explains a lot to me. Us men never understand the “playing hard to get” game. We’re like “Why did she dress so attractively if she didn’t want attention?” Now I know it just my attention she didn’t want…Lol! But it also speaks to stark difference between men and women in their instinctive approaches to relationships. When a man walks into a party and makes his top 3 picks, he is looking for a mate for the night and for that, you can make a decision based almost solely on appearance. When a woman does the same she is looking for something more than that and her decision will involve many more variables before she “settles”. Often, many of these variables cannot be tested during the party. Some take months or even years to test. So, what does this mean? In my view (as a man) a woman is better off waiting for the man who likes her because if she plays her cards right on night one, there is every chance that he will want to see her again, giving her an opportunity to test the variables that were not so obvious at the party.

    1. William, very interesting. My mum also said if a man likes you he likes you, even if you have a crocodile and a hyena!So does a woman have to play her cards at all? She can just be herself 🙂 True?

      1. Relationships don’t just happen. There has to be an initial effort from both sides to get things going. The man must play his cards right by making sure he is well mannered and appropriately groomed to gain (or enhance) her interest and she has to play her cards right by responding appropriately by for example agreeing to a dance (if its in a club or party) or accepting the offer of a drink or giving out her phone number and so on. This is is how relationships develop. Each party playing their best cards.

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