Adua’s Guide To Life After Divorce #2

You thought he was the one, well actually the next one. He says all the right things. He seems to pay you a lot of attention. And let us face it, you are running low in the attention department.  

At the beginning, you do not realise he is the 'rebound' guy. At the beginning, he is the knight in shining armour. He 'found' you broken and put the pieces back together. (I really have to laugh at this point). Let me tell you my story. 

Papa (not his real name obviously. My friends used to call him Papa Shirandula! So, let us call him Papa for short). He was everything my Ex was not. He for one listened to rumba, that was a big deal for me, hello! It actually proved he had a soul, unlike the Ex. He always picked my calls on the first ring. We would flirt for hours on text. He was very exciting at a time when I thought my world was falling apart. Best of all I thought I had one up on my Ex because he probably thought I was at home crying like he was used to seeing me. He did not know I had Papa! Ha! 

So, as I said, Papa could do no wrong. He knew what to say, what advice to give even when to call. Most importantly he never pushed me to have physical relations. (I know I can say sex. It is just too early in the story to be 'forward'). I was not ready. Well, my brain was not. I started planning my second wedding. I was going to marry Papa ASAP! We would then have one more child and live happily, ever after. Looking back now I realise how women jump from one relationship to another. When you are used to being in a relationship, you think every relationship should lead down the altar. Hell, a man says hi to you and you start naming your make-believe children together.

Adua’s Guide To Life After Divorce #1

I think Papa noticed I was getting relaxed around him (how could I not relax, I had already planned our lives together with our eight children. Some mine, some his and the one that we'd have together!) One day he invited me for a grown-up dinner, at a grown-up restaurant. The restaurants that have mood lighting and candles and table napkins (not serviettes) and wine by the bottle. Hey, I had been married with kids from my early twenties, so please stop judging me. This was a treat.  

The date was for seven in the evening. I started getting ready at about four-thirty that afternoon. I showered and scrubbed myself like we would be eating off my body. Oiled my body, sprayed on my best perfume and even put on stockings! It was like I was in my teens preparing for a date!  

Of course, I was late. I got there at eight. I expected a telling off. (My ex liked telling me off). Papa though was not fazed. He stood up when I got there. I tried apologizing but he brushed it off saying, ' these things happen. You are here now.' I was ready to elope! 

During dinner, he asked me, 'what time are you expected home?' I quickly announced that it was my house now I could go home whenever I wanted. I thought maybe we were going dancing later and I may get home at two in the morning like a bad girl. 

'Why don't we go back to my place, watch a movie, drink some wine then after maybe talk?' He asked looking me straight in the eye. All I could do was blink. My dreams were coming true! 'If you aren't comfortable I can take you home'. I said such a loud no I think the chef heard me. 

When we got to his house, we did not drink wine or watch any movie. I remember texting one of my girlfriends at 3 am to ask her why she had never told me people were having this much 'fun' out here!

We had 'fun' a couple more times. As the days went on, I realised I did not want to have his baby let alone be married to him. We remained friends. Awkward ones. I cannot seem to look him in the eye nor can I stop myself from giggling when we meet. So I try not to meet him if I can. He went on to get married. To someone else obviously. 

My point is, learn to identify the rebounds quickly. I was lucky it did not develop into another dysfunctional relationship. Rebounds are not altogether bad. They can actually be good for building self-esteem...'somebody still thinks you have it..' Ha!

Next week...Getting back into the dating game....only this time you have kids...

News Reporter

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