Adua’s Guide To Divorce #3

#3 BACK IN CIRCULATION

Dating after marriage can feel like trying to walk a tightrope in heels. I am sure there is someone somewhere who can do it, a professional, but it is you and you have never walked a tight rope. Definitely not in heels. It can be stressful mostly because you are still suffering from withdrawal symptoms. You find yourself unconsciously on wife mode. You meet a man you think you like, you immediately have the urge to drag him by the legs back to your house and make him a husband. You want familiar. You want easy. You want ready supply. *wink* 

If you are not careful, you might find yourself in the fire after jumping from the frying pan.I present to you what I think are useful tips to help you navigate the murky waters of the dating world. 

  1. Figure out if you are ready to date again. Deal with your issues so that you do not start projecting them on the other person. You can easily find yourself in the 'all men are dogs' bandwagon.  
  2. You probably have kids. Chances are that they are in your care most of the time. Please do not introduce every man you meet to your kids. They can only have so many 'uncles'. Do not bring the men home. I know the body has needs. Try hotels etc. In short, respect and protect your children. 
  3. At the beginning, you want to keep the body count low. Not because I am trying to make an 'honest' woman out of you, but because you are still vulnerable. You almost cannot tell a man who just wants sex for the night and someone who wants to hang around. Attention can be misleading. That coupled with the fact that your body wants what it wants. You will be minding your own business in the club and the next minute finds you under a man. Mary Jane used a dildo before a date so that she was not tempted to 'give', I have my big blues. My big blues are granny panties that I would not let anyone see me in even if I fainted! I would get up cover the big blues and go back to fainting. Find that thing that will help you know a guy for more than five minutes before you get to show him your acrobatic skills. These bodies are not loyal. 
  4. Be yourself. The good thing about dating older is you can do and say what you want. Do not worry that he will leave. Those who matter do not mind and those who mind do not matter. 
  5. Demand honesty and be prepared to deal with the truth. I would rather deal with a man who says, 'Hi, I like you. I want you to be my girlfriend. You should, however, know that I have two wives, four baby mamas, sixteen children, a crocodile and my mother is a witch. That type of man gives you something very important. Choice. I can decide to join his circus or not. I decide. Not these fellows who say they are single but his wife does not know her husband is single. 
  6. Do not assume anything. Do not ASSume he is single, ASSume he is old/young, ASSume you are in a relationship with him, ASSume he has a job, ASSume he is healthy. You end up being an ass. 
  7. Learn to be in the present. Enjoy yourself without attachment. Not every man you meet deserves you. You are just dating. Sharpening your social skills and meeting new people. Date many people. One at a time or all at once. 
  8. Do not drag out a bad match. Our tendency as women is to be polite. You do not like the man, he annoys you, he chews loudly but you will just smile. You keep picking his calls, you keep accepting dates. Pretty soon you are stuck with a man you cannot stand because you are polite. My mother used to say if you do not like a man, cut him out immediately. Otherwise, you will get comfortable with all the things you did not like about him. Then one day you will start feeling shortchanged. 
  9. If you really like a man, make a move. Do not wait to be 'picked'. You are not a mango in the market. He might be short sighted and you are all the way in the back. Move closer. Smile. Say hello. You never know. He could be the one, and, you chose him. 

 

Next week...You keep meeting the same man in different bodies 

News Reporter

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